May 14, 2024  - Over the years we have been blessed to have so many pray for our daughter Kayley Faith when she contracted the very rare and incurable disease known as “STILLS”. She spent 6 consecutive months in a hospital and was in and out of ICU on a regular basis.

This monstrous disease did damage to her heart, lungs etc. and required her to be placed on a dangerous level of steroids. We were notified in advance that the 240 milligrams she was taking “daily” could cause damage to her bones, but we were left with no other option because it was the only thing keeping her alive.  As a result of this needed regiment of steroids, she has battled ongoing issues with her back and hips -alongside the continual complications that Stills often brings.

Thursday morning, she will undergo a 7-hour surgery in Dallas at Baylor Medical called “core decompression surgery”. The goal and purpose are to try and stimulate blood flow that has been inhibited from the steroids. This procedure requires several holes to be drilled in both hips and will hopefully stop her incessant pain. Following her release, she will be in a wheelchair for the next 3 months.

We do not post her health conditions on a regular basis as we know others are fighting their own wars. However, we would appreciate your prayers as she goes under the knife and begins a long road of recovery; and prayerfully a life that isn’t so often filled with pain. She has suffered so much and we long for God to bring healing!!

Grateful

Jay

May 20, 2024 -S So many asking. I am lost. Daughter has been placed in ICU. I have no answers and nor does anyone else. She needs a miracle to escape this suffering.

May 21, 2024 - No breakthrough- still in ICU. Trying to get transferred to UT Southwestern since they specialize in rare diseases like STILLS.

Not much left in the tank………..

If I were God, I probably wouldn’t answer my prayers either, I’m very flawed but I’m just hoping that there’s somebody out there He will listen to and that He will make a move soon………

May 22, 2024 - Day 7 ICU-Still awaiting transfer. Don’t forget her…

May 23, 2024 - Day 8…..Hopefully a bed opens and we transfer today

May 24, 2024 - Day/ Night 9

Imagine, even though you’re in the hospital, thinking you’ve turned a corner, picking up dinner, watching your daughter smile and feeling hope.

Imagine the anticipation of believing in no more pain because your daughter is having a decent day and getting up hopes.

Imagine a cobra, great white shark or lion lurking in proximity that you could not see, sense, detect.

Imagine an unexpected assault of torture, horror and wickedness on your child that gives no reprieve for hours.

Imagine the assault being relentless and unimpeded by dilladid then morphine and even fentanyl.

Imagine hearing your child wail, moan and scream “ why aren’t you helping me god”????

Imagine you -nor doctors, nor the most respected spiritual leaders having a plausible answer that makes any sense or brings any hope.

Imagine your child shivering with pain, fingers contorted, body twisted, while covered in wet towels and ice packs.

Imagine your daughter continuously dry heaving; not because her stomach is sick - but rather because her nerves are chronically suffering.

Imagine begging and crying like a child for the most qualified doctors on earth to do more because nothing is helping.

Imagine your wife sobbing in the bathroom because she has seen that which might only be fitting in hell.

Imagine questioning everything you ever believed and spoke.

Imagine a disease so sinister, devilish and utterly evil that you are constantly looking over your shoulder like a fugitive wondering when it will pounce… seize.

Imagine not knowing if you can ever trust again….. or even want too.

Imagine questioning if you ever really knew someone you thought was your protector, provider and friend.

Imagine it’s not just words you are reading but a lifetime of darkness you traveled in a span of hours; a gaping wound, a crater of soul and spirit.

Imagine……………

May 25, 2024 - WE GOT TRANSFERRED!! UT Southwestern (the hospital that took care of her for six months several years ago when she contracted STILLS) came and picked her up last night!

May 26, 2024 - App the prayers. Daughter making improvements.

May 27, 2024 - Day 12. Without faith it is impossible to please God Heb11:6

May 28, 2024 - Day 13. Day starting off good!

May 29, 2024 - Day 14…. Improving and hoping to get to go home before too long ( STILLS seems under control) and begin recovery from hip surgery.

May 30, 2024 - For those who are struggling with faith! Those whose world is flipped upside down!

Some- say. I have said, “Don’t let circumstances dictate your faith”! I have preached it; I am not good at living it. Yes, I can keep it in check when it’s the small things but when it’s the major things, like watching your child suffer, I find I don’t live what I preach.

Like today…

When K is doing better I feel hope and my frustration, disappointment with God is diluted. When the wheels fall off, like tonight, I somehow revert right back to ground zero.

If your in a valley, I want you to know your not alone! No, I don’t have answers, and the ones I do have bring little comfort to me and probably would to you as well.

I just want to assure you there are others wrestling with the same emotions, questions, discouragements and battles.

I’m hanging on to something Jesus once said. “Blessed are those who mourn”. I don’t understand it but I believe it.

May 31, 2024 - Day 15# 

June 3, 2024 - Day 18 of hospital

June 4, 2024 - It’s 1 AM and I have watched my daughter scream, (beg God???????????) and cry in unimaginable pain for the last three hours. The amount of medication she is on to try and keep this suffering at bay is both astounding and sickening; yet none of it works on a consistent basis. Every time I think we’re turning a corner, the lion named STILLS pounces on us. We are now at day 19 and I am done posting ( our team will continue posting for ministry but not me personally) until we can regroup and maintain a progress that lasts longer than 24 hours and is duly consistent. I appreciate the many of you who have prayed and I hope you will continue to do so but there is really nothing new I can say. We are out of words and out of gas. We and tens of thousands have prayed, and yet we still have no solution. We are in a ditch we don’t know how to escape. If you have ever watched a child suffer, you understand.

June 6, 2024 - We ask all our friends and ministry partners to pray with us on behalf of Kayley and the entire Lowder family. 

In over two decades of itinerant ministry, I have connected with diverse groups of people from a smorgasbord of backgrounds facing some of the most difficult aspects of life. I have been extremely fortunate to meet, counsel or publicly address both students and adults alike. Of all the questions I have been asked, none has been more prevalent than the topic of relationships. 

A majority of these inquisitions mostly arise from younger people who are wanting to be aware of potential minefields to avoid. Failing past relationships of their own or a poor example they have been shown at home by their parents has driven them to seek more permanent and fulfilling unions. 

While every relationship has seasons of challenge and none are without fault, the foundation on which a couple builds almost always determines its health and longevity. Even under the best of circumstances, where both are true followers of Christ, marriage is not easy, and couples should expect to encounter both the lowest of valleys and the highest of mountaintops.

Seldom am I asked what a person should look for in a potential mate, but I am commonly asked what one should be looking to avoid. Years of ministry and study of scripture have revealed five danger zones that should put a person on high alert when seeking a potential spouse.

1.     Dating a non-believer.

This first one is the most is the most basic and obvious. 2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us explicitly to not be “unequally yoked’ with unbelievers and questions what fellowship light can have with darkness. The analogy seems obvious - the two cannot coexist with one another because they are at complete odds. That said, there are unusual examples such as my parents. My mother married my dad as a non-believer and fortunately he eventually received Christ and they have been happily married for decades. However, for every one example like my parents, I can show hundreds of others who ended up in divorce or lifelong division. Dating leads to marriage and allowing oneself to unite themselves with someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ is a grave mistake.

2.     Dating a person who professes Christ but whose life doesn’t confess Christ.

Everyone has known someone who claims to be a Christian but whose life doesn’t back up their words. Jesus stated in Matt 7:16 “by their fruits you shall know/recognize them.” This was a blanket statement of Christ instructing how to detect others who have authentic faith. Dating and eventually marrying a person who is truly following Christ will be a relationship that not only strives to make Him the foundation but will also be a source of inspiration that helps to strengthen each other's spiritual walk. If a person is in a relationship with someone who doesn’t build up their walk with God, never spends time reading God’s word or doesn’t instigate spiritual conversation, then this should be a sign something is off.

3.     Dating a person who is overtly jealous or controlling.

Jealousy is not an unusual emotion; matter of fact, everyone has felt jealousy at some point in their life. Being protective and wanting exclusivity is normal but allowing feelings to consistently turn into suspicion, control, anger, coercion and lack of trust is a blatant sign of future problems. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 tells us true love is not envious and not easily angered. Some of the most toxic and damaging relationships I have ever witnessed have been those where one person was constantly trying to manipulate or gaslight their mate because of their own jealousies and insecurities. These unions are also not foreign to emotional abuse and sometimes even physical.

4.     Dating a person who does not share common vision and goals for marriage and kids.

It’s surprising how many people don’t decide to work out long-range plans for a family unit until after they get married. Substantial decisions such as desire or expectations in regard to raising children, finances, church attendance, dreams, goals and even sexuality can all be pinch points of contention. Jesus said in Matt 12:25 that every house divided against itself will not stand. While every scenario cannot and shouldn’t be worked out beforehand, there are however certain priority issues each person holds that are crucial to them and potential areas they are unwilling to compromise. Satan hates unified marriages and will always be looking for spots of division to drive wedges.

5.     Dating a person who isn’t transparent about their past and future.

We all have skeletons in our closet… things we are embarrassed about or not proud of. Since communication is central to every healthy relationship it becomes paramount to have open and candid discussions regarding not only our successes and victories but also our failures and defeats. This level of openness not only facilitates trust but can also be a catalyst to avoid making similar mistakes, cultivate healing as well as serve as a tool to help one another to recognize dangerous tendencies. Jesus said in Matthew 10:26, “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be known.” Better to know of destructive patterns now than after making a lifelong commitment.

Trying to deal with issues later, attempting to change or rescue someone after saying I do or believing marriage will fix preexisting issues is a guaranteed recipe for calamity. Marriage not only heals problems – it reveals problems.

Everyone dreams of a white-picket fence and the “happily ever after,” but a healthy and prosperous relationship is neither a fence nor a slogan but rather a lifelong choice backed up by an unwavering commitment that must be remade every single day.

Are you struggling and getting nowhere? Have you given your all and realized it is not good enough?

Mark chapter 6 tells a familiar story many of us have heard. Jesus had just performed an amazing miracle of feeding 5000 people with five loaves of bread and two small fish. After the people were full, the disciples took up 12 baskets of leftovers. 

On the heels of this miracle-filled day, Jesus wants some time alone to pray and tells his disciples to get in the boat and go to the other side, where he will meet up with them later. I imagine the disciples were amazed at what they had just seen. Did they know that often, your biggest struggle comes right after your greatest victory?

As Jesus is praying on the mountain, they find themselves in a storm. Although several of them are seasoned fishermen with years of nautical experience, they find themselves unable to make progress against the howling winds. As evening fell, Jesus saw them out on the water around eight o'clock. One small problem: he does not come to their rescue until 7 to 9 hours later. Even worse, He waited until the darkest time of the night, which was about 3 AM.

Is this you? Have you been battling a storm and feel as though God is watching you without coming to your rescue? Do you find yourself wondering if he really cares?

Finally, Jesus leaves the mountain but now does something else many of us have questioned. Instead of walking on the water straight to the disciples, he only walks in view of them, and the scripture says He would have passed them by. Why would He not come straight to them? 

I'm convinced the answer is fairly obvious. Jesus makes Himself available to us but never forces Himself upon us. It is NOT His obligation to intervene; it is our obligation to ask. Too often, we fight battles in our own strength. We think we can handle problems and rely on our power, experience, influence, etcetera…rather than on Christ. There are times when God delays intervening until we can grasp the futility of our own strength.

As Jesus passes near the twelve, they think he is a ghost and are terrified. They do not recognize Him. Are you like me? Do you often not recognize the Lord… especially in the fog of trouble? Do you wrongly think that all adversity could never have been ordained by Christ when often it is the Lord who initiates challenges to bring you closer…to reveal a miracle?

John's account tells us that when He identified Himself, the disciples received Him. Receiving Him is not only the foundation of our relationship but also the key to continual spiritual growth. While accepting His blessings and rewards is easy, we often push back against receiving His correction, discipline, and the occasional den of lions.

When Jesus steps in the boat, He says two important things we all need to remember. The first statement is worded in two different ways depending on your translation; "be of good cheer" or "take courage." In essence, it is the encouragement of peace and assurance. A simple reminder that once the Lord shows up, there is nothing to worry about…that all is well.

The next words Jesus speaks are, "Do not be afraid." We know fear and faith cannot coexist at the same time. We cannot walk in both simultaneously because they are the antithesis of each other. Hebrews 11 tells us that it is impossible to please God without faith. When fear is ruling us, it is a reminder that we have abandoned trust in Christ. 

Then Jesus stepped inside the boat, and the wind immediately ceased, becoming as calm as glass. Talk about reassurance!! Wow!! Great problems are often the crib of the greatest miracles!

As we near the end of the story, Mark 6:52 makes a perplexing statement. "For they [the disciples] had not understood about the loaves because their heart was hardened." When I read this, I was confused, I mean, how could you have a hardened heart and not grasp the miraculous feeding of the five thousand???? 

When you study this verse in Greek, it reveals that the disciples did not consider the miracle they had witnessed hours before. They were blind and spiritually dull to the heavenly buffet Jesus had given the masses. 

When trouble hits, I often gravitate toward worry or fear. Instead of taking courage from God's past deliverance, I become so focused on the current dilemma that I lose sight of the present provision. My problems can too easily cloud my vision, faith, and ability to recognize or trust Christ.

The truth is this: my best and yours are often not enough or what God wants from us. The disciples were rowing for all they were worth but making little to no progress. Jesus didn't want their best efforts; He wanted their faith. He wanted them to understand that their greatest need was to turn their problem over to Him so He could accomplish what they were incapable of achieving. 

And this is exactly what He wants from you!

Just bear with me for a moment and let me set the table for a true story about Kayley, about a friend named Rodney who went to live with Jesus because of cancer, and about his brother in law named Scott.

It's a story about ...the past...the present... the future.

It's a story about me... you... and every person who has ever been broken and ran over by life.

One of my closest friends growing up was a guy name Rodney Brom. We hunted/fished together, graduated together and were the best of friends for many years. I even preached his funeral. We used to go to his girlfriends house quite often to see her family, a girl he would eventually marry.

One cold winters day the snow was so thick on the driveway that I accidentally veered off the path and ran over a brand new baby tree that his future father in law had planted. The tree was absolutely shredded and we all knew that the little sapling would never make it.

This was a long, long time ago.

Let me fast-forward to today. Now that we're back home we're trying to get settled in and today I went down to the licensing office and did something I never thought I would do. I secured a handicap parking permit for my wife to use as she shuttles my 19 year old daughter to doctors appointments. It all seemed so surreal. After being up until 4AM, applying for Kayley's disability and the whole handicap thing I fought depression off and on all day.

Minutes ago I got home and received a text and picture from Rodney's brother in law -Scott. By the way -I watched Scott receive Christ as Savior as we prayed in his den a matter of weeks before Rodney went to heaven.

I am copy and pasting what his text said and the picture he sent.

When I read it I was blown away and I'm unashamed to admit I wept as I soaked in each word he wrote. It's not just a diamond of truth for me but for anyone feeling down.

"I was backing out of my dads place this afternoon and I looked at this tree in a different way than before. It was backed over by a truck many years ago ?. My dad decided to try and save it instead of ignoring it or simply cutting it down. Today it is healthy and growing strong, standing at least 25 ft in the air. Sure it is just a tree but it is also a symbol, a reminder of life. I also thought of your daughter and all of her suffering. I pray she will grow strong again and be a symbol, a reminder for others to believe and to stay strong in their faith. I love you brother..."

Do you see it? Can you digest the insight God gave Scott today?

I know he has been to his parents a thousand times- but today- a day I needed a word of encouragement - a day you may also be needing a glimmer of hope is the day God opened his eyes to something new, encouraging and true.

Scott is right. What is shredded, broken, ran over or suffering TODAY can be renewed, healed, strengthened and strong TOMORROW.

That same tree I ran over provides shade to the weary, home to birds and best of all... the testimony that broken things are often the greatest symbol that God can make all things new.

I will not lose hope.

Kayley will not lose hope.

YOU will not lose hope amidst your own challenge!!!

You may be crushed today but by faith and perseverance you and your story will become the example to so many others who are hurting or who have lost their way. One day you, me and Kayley or anyone else who keeps their faith- will grow strong and be a living reminder that our greatest pain becomes our greatest platform.

God knew the night I knocked down the tree that years later He would use it to lift up my spirit.

We must remember, destroyed limbs does not mean destroyed roots and Gods greatest leaders endure the greatest brokenness!!!!

If I Were The Devil: I would attack your parents and begin this assault before you were even born.

I would whisper to your Daddy and Momma to convince them their marriage would never work.

I would prey on spouses “feelings” until I could convince them that divorce was the “only” option.

I would orchestrate children to be sexually, emotionally, physically or verbal abused.

I would brainwash children to believe they are unloved, unwanted and nothing more than a “mistake”.

I would bring disease, misery, suffering and long hospital stays while telling those suffering that God is unjust/unloving.

I would tell you that life was no longer worth living and that suicide is the only and best solution. (I would adore suicide)

I would constantly remind you of every fault and transgression you ever committed.

I would make you feel unworthy, unloved and unimportant; reminding you of everything you’ve done wrong and never reminding you of what you’ve done right.

I would tell (if you believed in Christ) that your pain is because of a vengeful, unmerciful God and not because of me.

I would tell you (if you believed in God) that He and His book are nothing but fairy tales.

I would have you so preoccupied with work, entertainment, problems and life’s demands that you had no time to study the Bible.

I would tirelessly work to convince you that your troubles are “bad luck”, “destiny” or “fate” and that I am not culpable.

I would try to murder your only daughter or maybe your son, mom, dad or spouse in order to make you bitter at God.

I would strategize to make you believe there was no real devil.

I would teach you two extremes. I would want you to completely dismiss me so I’m blamed for nothing or for you to blame me for everything so you don’t take responsibility for anything.

I would seek to isolate you so you would be vulnerable. I would hunt you down when you are weakened, tired or lonely.

I would terrorize you with fear, uncertainty and confusion.

I would descend on your loved ones with agony and make you watch them cry, scream and suffer in hospitals, asylums and death beds.

I would study you day and night so I would know which doors in your life are unlocked, what areas of your life are unguarded and where every crack and vulnerability is located.

I would tease you with materialism, money, power, pleasure and acceptance.

I would ensure your attention was constantly being distracted by the news, politics or what Republicans or Democrats are doing.

I would make you angry, bitter and resentful at everyone but me.

I would tell you your prayers are accomplishing nothing.

I would seek to instill doubt about everything you’ve ever believed.

I would entice you to be religious but never spiritual.

I would ensure that you are injured or betrayed by hypocritical people who go to church.

I would bring people in your life who claim to be Christians but who are not true believers.

I would train you how to deceive, justify, excuse and condone your actions.

I would school you on how to demand your rights while neglecting the rights of others.

I would be your master without you even knowing it.

I would seduce you.

I would attack all Faith (in my case Kayley Faith).

I would promise you a luxury room in eternity where you could Rest In Peace (RIP) without revealing there is no such thing as resting after death.

I would do anything and everything to make sure you die without ever having a real relationship with Jesus.

If I Were The Devil

Kayley Hospital Watch

“God please…please…please…help me, I'M BEGGING YOU” she sobs. I wipe tears… run my fingers down her ankles… hoping to somehow ease or distract her suffering. “God, WHY,,,, WHY,,,, WHY,,,, aren’t you helping me? I don’t understand, I don’t understand” she pleads.

“God this isn’t fair, I’m so tired of being in pain” she wails.

She then turns the tables. “Dad, why is God not answering me, I don’t understand”?

I’m gut sick… speechless… crushed. All I can do is lay my head on her legs. I want to cry, no, I want to wail, sob, cuss, scream but I do nothing other than bury my face on her lap.

Our nurse walks in. He is an Asian man whose countenance is unlike any other man I’ve ever known except my mentor Morris Chapman and I ask him if he will pray for her. I also state that maybe God will hear his prayers better than He does mine. ( the very first time I saw this man months ago I immediately knew he was a believer and told him so) He agrees to pray and I get down on my knees.

This good, godly man has a incandescence… a smile… similar to what I assume Jesus would wear.

He prays much better than I do. I can tell he is much closer to Jesus than me. (My connection has gotten a little staticky) He has a humility, a tenderness about him that is endearing. I am envious of his Christ- likeness.

After he prays her pain escalates.

I follow him out the door and ask him something I have not asked anyone in these past 4 months. Something about him makes me reason he might solve this riddle.

I inquire, ” Why does God not ease her pain when it would be so easy for Him to do so”?

He softly smiles and looks up at me. After moments of deliberation he replies, ” I don’t know but you are here for her and you just have to be faithful. Gods timing is strange”. His gentle answer was delivered with grace and sensitivity uncharacteristic of men.

I answer without anger but with frankness, “I do not like His timing! Four months is too long! He is asking way too much”. He smilingly repeats in a soft yet strong voice that I must be faithful.

I text Missy that what little faith I have left is being killed. (She fought this same fight last night-we alternate nights/share days)

I come back in the room, Kayley is still sobbing and she starts asking me again of the “why’s”.

Our nurses words are rearranged and I deliver them to her as I caress her steroid swollen cheeks. ” Baby, I am sorry but I have no answers for ANYTHING. All I know is that we have to decide whether to curse and hate God or stay faithful to Him. I refuse to curse and deny Him because then I truly would have nothing left or nowhere else to go”.

Her eyes are weary- half open- with gushing rivers running from all four corners. She says nothing.

30 minutes of hell later she falls asleep.

As I write she moans in her slumber.

I feel like I am sitting on a keg of gunpowder waiting to explode.

It’s now almost 2AM. The sun has long been asleep and the moon seems to be the only other thing that is wide awake. Together, in our own-yet very different ways-we seek to illuminate darkness until a new day dawns. A day that I pray will bring a new and much needed mercy.

Jesus was a gentleman

He always respected women- (the me/too movement wouldn’t have frightened Him).

He never interrupted others. He never “hid in” or “beat around” the bushes.

He never forced anyone to do ANYTHING they didn’t want to do.

He never disrespected authority.

He never disobeyed His father.

He adored His mom – even asking a friend to take her in as He was dying.

He was gentle enough that children flocked to be near Him.

He was strong enough to handle undeserved criticism.

He held no grudges.

He had impeccable manners.

He made others around him better.

He was always looking for a way to serve instead of being served.

He never forgot the forgotten.

He was loyal to his friends regardless of their disloyalty to Him.

He was a great listener.

He was good for His word and His word was good.

He knew how to handle Himself at a party(wedding in Cana).

He brought comfort to those in mourning.

He defended the broken and wounded.

He resisted temptation.

He had good table manners/ telling his disciples to eat whatever was put before them.

He gave thanks before eating.

He never debated politics.

He never forced His convictions on others.

He never slandered people behind their backs.

He honored His parents even though He knew better than them.

Jesus was powerful yet gentle… because Jesus was a gentleman.

Kayley Hospital Watch

He is the one you really didn’t want to run into but have difficulty avoiding.

He is always seeking new companionship because he is not liked by anyone but occasionally welcomed by everyone. His only kin are named fear and worry.

He is an habitual thief stealing hopes and dreams.

He is a pessimist who specializes in preying on optimists.

He is arrogant and demands to be heard.

He is a “know it all” who has all the wrong answers.

He is the consummate “wedding crasher” who invades any and all types of celebrations of hope or joy.

He is always quick to object, argue, debate and demand.

He is always ready to discuss problems but never ready to offer solutions.

He believes only in what he sees and nothing he cannot.

He has sight without vision.

He has a masters degree in skepticism yet is illiterate in faith.

He is a Hitler-ish dictator who seeks to brainwash and manipulate.

His tongue is 24 carat gold yet laced with poison. His words are slicker than oil and stickier than pancake syrup.

He is reliably unreliable.

He is absolutely sure that everything is unsure.

He lies, deceives, tricks, traps, criticizes, and aggravates while he entices you to second guess every move you make.

He cannot understand any part of the word “KNOW”! His master is a prince dispensing uncertainty while my master is a King dispensing assurance.

He visits me… Missy… Kayley Faith.

He knocks… yells… begs… taunts at our door. We refuse his advances because our door is secured by what he hates most… FAITH.

Strangers Strangers- people you don’t know, recognize or are unfamiliar with. Outsiders… They are the ones your mother warned you about as soon as you were old enough to go outside and ride a trike, big wheel or hover board. Your mom would speak to you with aggression, stern intention; she would then implore you with the words, “Don’t talk to strangers”!

Last night such a person crept in our hospital room.

Missy was sleeping and by Gods grace Kayley was too. The day had been somewhat better for our daughter until we could see the moon creeping over the downtown Dallas skyline. As often happens with illness, nights seem to escalate sickness and Kayley was feeling poor.

Around 3 AM missy heard the opening of the door. Exhausted and tired she didn’t turn over; she assumed it had to be the nurses doing their routine checks of vital signs. Knowing Kayley could sleep through it, Missy tried to ignore another one of the never ending hospital interruptions and continue resting.

Something sounded different this time…eerily strange.

Missy turned over to see an elderly woman probably in her eighties, clad in a yellow gown, disheveled hair/silver as a nickel, standing over Kayley’s bed and reaching out her hand towards her. Missy launched off the sofa and began loudly telling her she was in the wrong room. Kayley awoke terrified to see the decrepit hunched over figurine staring her in the face. When the nurses arrived Missy was gently ushering the woman into the hall.

As the nurses tried to peel the intruders arms away from Missy she began cursing them… resisting them…saying she wanted to go with missy.

The nurses had forgotten to turn on her bed alarm and the delusional old lady was able to slip through detection and into our world.

Such is the way with unwelcome strangers.

Encountering another stranger was not only a reflection of the last 17 consecutive hospital days but regrettably it also became a harbinger of another newcomer we would meet today.

His name? Thoracentesis: This newest stranger has a name so disgusting… so repulsive… I can barely pronounce it. Oddly enough this foreigners identity begins with THOR-a marvel comic book hero- God of thunder- who wields a “enchanted” hammer. Basically, this stranger removes fluid from the space between the lungs and the chest wall for therapeutic purposes and does so by inserting a needle between the ribs.

We were carried to another floor so Thor could drain her chest but before it could happen fever and pain arose to proportions that delayed him until Thursday morning.

I’ve discovered strangers are not always people but can also be feelings, sicknesses, surgeries or anything else unwanted or uninvited into ones life that pose danger, uneasiness or hurt.

Some strangers we’ve heard others tell ghostly tales about but until now our family had never personally witnessed them. Others, we have seen only once or on rare occasions but now they visit regularly enough that their presence and proximity have almost become expected.

Let me give you some examples of these creeps with whom we’ve recently become too acquainted with. Chronic Pain. Daily tears. Worry. Doubt. Fear. Sleeplessness. Cafeterias. Disease. Inflammation. Migraines. Heart damage. Lung fluids. Transfusions. Dangerously high fever. Needles. Pain meds. High/Low blood pressure. Each one has descended on Kayley Faith…on us all… like vampires.

There is one stranger so foreign, so alien that I could never have been convinced that he even existed.

Equally revolting is where I found him… Inside of me.

This inner intruder exposed caves and tunnels in me; it revealed kinks, chinks and struggles with my faith and trust in God that I didn’t know existed.

I’ve told countless thousands that circumstances should never affect your faith.

I’ve quoted to the masses 1st Corinthian’s 15:58 -that you are supposed to be steadfast and unmovable.

I’ve preached to crowds large and small to walk by faith and not sight.

I’ve addressed the addicted, broken, famous, unknown, incarcerated, poor and rich that God can’t fully use a person until He has first fully broken them.

I’ve admonished audiences to NOT run from Goliaths, lion dens or adversity because it’s there that God becomes famous.

I’ve reminded countless injured believers not to live by their feelings but to choose to live by Gods word.

My voice has echoed through stadiums, gymnasiums, prisons and churches admonishing people that through pain and weakness they become strong.

May God forgive me for not living these last 17 days the truth that I so easily preached.

How easy it is to be hypocritical… to make U turns back into ditches.

On my way to pick up dinner tonight I apologized “AGAIN” for my doubt, frustration, anger and failing test grades. As tears rolled like the wheels on my truck I told God that just because I started weak doesn’t mean that by His grace I can’t finish strong.

Prayerfully, hopefully I am changing and will fight a good fight, finish this race and keep the faith.

Speaking of faith, I asked Kayley FAITH when Missy went down to get a bite, “Are you mad at God”?

Her answer???

“Dad, I was, but not anymore”.

I want to be more like her, less like me or the ugly, doubting stranger inside who my mother always said I should not talk too.

Kayley Hospital Watch

Mothers It wasn't supposed to be this way. No, no, no -she was supposed to be the one sleeping on a real bed as opposed to a hospital sofa. Yet I am currently laying on a king size mattress that's softer than the down on a goose while only 2.9 miles down the road, Missy lays on blue vinyl cushions. This pretend hospital hammock is barely wide enough for a cat- let alone a queen.

Earlier today Kayley was moved out of ICU into a regular room; as if there were such a thing. Since my daughter is making some improvements I pushed for Missy to commit the unpardonable sin tonight. I have recommended this transgression several times over the last 15 days. However it was deemed so grievous, so unthinkable, so out of the question that the mere mention of it brought immediate resistance.

When Kayley was first admitted I took on the responsibilities of homework and taxi service for our youngest son Graham. Every moment in between, I spent with Kayley and Missy. During the day Kayley had both of us but the nights... the long merciless nights... she had only Missy.

I knew Kayley wanted... needed...her mother in a different way than me. I understand this. Missy has always been the one the kids ran to first when pain or boo-boos showed their ugly face. A very small part of it is attributed to the fact that I'm always on the road but the major reason is because she's a mother and I am not.

Don't get me wrong; Kayley and I are extremely close. When she was a child she always wanted to be wherever I was and go wherever I went. Matter of fact, if I was going to leave the house just to get gasoline or run a quick errand I would have to have Missy distract her so I could sneak out the door. However, at times like these I am acutely aware that Missy (moms) has the innate ability to bring comfort and assurance in doses that I (fathers) cannot dispense.

So earlier today I started my pitch, "Babe listen, you've been carrying the torch for over two weeks and it's time for you to get some much needed rest. Why don't you let me sleep on the sofa and you go stay at the (borrowed) condo?". In my complete amazement both she and Kayley agreed it was time.

Around 11 o'clock I asked her what time she would be leaving. She raised her eyebrows, squinted her eyes, tilted her head and began backtracking like a crab, "Kayley is still not feeling good. She has nausea and a pounding headache so I think I will stay".

I knew there was no sense in debating. I would have a better chance pole vaulting the moon than convincing her to leave.

I met her when I was 23. It was a hot sultry day and I was working part time for my dad in his convenience store when my youngest sister came walking in with her college classmate. When she introduced us, I told Missy I liked her dimple (see picture). I wasn't flirting, I was already dating someone-I just thought it was cute. My comment brought a blush I found even more attractive than the dimple.

A short time later my sister brought her to hear me preach; that night she met Christ. The girl I already thought was very pretty -I then viewed as a total knockout. Within a few short weeks we both broke up with who we had been dating and started seeing only each other. Two decades later she still fascinates and intrigues me. In a word, she MOVES me... physically...spiritually...emotionally... She is not only a great wife but she is a incredible Mother with powers... magic... uncanny intuition and supernatural compassion.

In these last 15 days I have grown to love, respect and cherish her in ways otherwise impossible had we not have encountered this storm.

For now, it's one of the few benefits I can currently see in the wake of this brutal disease that has ravaged my daughter.

Kayley survived not only because of God she also survived because of her mother.

Missy has lost over 10 pounds during this savage ordeal but she never lost her faith. She has gone 15 days providing rest to Kayley but none to herself. Every moment of every 15 days she has been a giver and never a taker. When my faith was failing hers never faltered. When I cringed she consoled. When I was doubtful she was determined.

Missy is our family's greatest gift.

We don't know when Kayley will get out of the hospital but we do know that Kayley has a long road ahead. There will be physical rehab, doctors visits, return trips to Dallas etc., and Missy will carry much of the load because I'll be on the road. But Kayley will grow strong because God gave her a strong, resilient, compassionate, wise, and Godly mother.

Mothers- the greatest gift on earth!

PS Once we have all recovered I've promised to take them to the beach. I don't really like the beach at all (the heat,the sweat and sand in places it doesn't belong) and would rather be in the mountains. However, I can't wait to go. I'm counting the days when I will see them in a far away place away from hospitals and away from pain.

Kayley Hospital Watch

Fathers You just never know who you're going to run into at a hospital. It's a pretty remarkable story; it is almost impossible to grasp.

Finding someone who relates to your pain and really understands is like a good set of binoculars. You begin to see things previously unseen by the naked, blinded eye.

We ran into each other in the hallway tonight. I was pretty shocked that I had not seen him before- especially since he got here before we did and because we're on the same floor.

I was ready to unload on somebody... anybody. So before I knew it the floodgates opened. I told him how hard it was for me to watch Kayley's painful procedures. It felt good to get it off my chest and even give specific details. I revealed my doubts, fears, worries, questions and insecurities. Although I wanted to be macho and not appear weak, I teared up when I told him how I had watched her take every laborious breath. Breaths that I sometimes feared might be her last.

It was as obvious as an elephant. He wasn't one of those types who pretend to listen while really just waiting for their own chance to speak. No, he not only cared he "really" cared and sympathized with my anguish.

Like me, he also watched his own child endure excruciating pain. Like me, he never left his child's side. Like me, he was heartbroken by his child's broken heart. Like me, he watched his child unable to breathe and gasping for air. Like me, he watched strangers taking his child's blood. Like me, he wanted to stop his child's pain but knew it was necessary for healing. Like me, watching blood run down Kayley's neck, wrists, and back from being pierced and lacerated; he also witnessed blood running from his child's piercings. Like me-most of all- there came a point when he could watch no more and had to turn his face away.

Even worse his child died; but was eventually brought back to life.

Our visit was temporarily over but I have no doubt that we will reconnect soon. After all (HE) has been here at the hospital all along and I'm convinced He won't be leaving anytime soon.

It's past midnight making it Easter Sunday. I knew I needed to get back to Kayley but I also KNEW that I felt NEW.

As I write, a lying, sinister voice says this peace I feel will not last- that Kayley will never get better. I feel something like an evil shadow trailing me... taunting me... tempting me. I can't hear a clear audible voice but something like a feigning echo. I remind myself of who is behind the spears of hate that seek to infiltrate my faith. A vicious enemy who is currently wanting me to worry about hospital bills, the future, my 2 sons whom we are separated from, my wife, my ailing father, my oldest sister's illness and everything else out of my hands.

Most of all the voice wants to distract me from the Father's words in the hallway. To entice me to forget His assurances of His love for me and Kayley.

I sing in my mind. "Jesus loves me This I know For the Bible Tells me so".

Please God, I beg you please, help me not to fail another test this week.

I'm tired. I'm weak. I'm not who I want to be. I've been weighed on your scales of suffering and found insufficient.

Dear God Help me overcome! Help me remember you can never be all that I want until I fully realize that you are all that I've got!!

Help me to praise you for the progress I saw today in Kayley and not focus on what is still not fixed.

No it's not the Easter I planned. I was supposed to be preaching this morning to 6000 people in a suburb of Tulsa. I was supposed to be home later tonight with my wife and children. But it's ok. You have destined me to be here for now.

I do not have a diagnosis. I do not have answers. I do not have solutions.

But what I do have is YOU.

And that is good enough for me.

Kayley Hospital Watch

REMEMBERING As morning dawned yesterday I craved hope. Something... anything... just a morsel of relief; I prayed this not for me but for her.

Wait. That's not true. On second thought, it was for all three of us.

The morning kick start was more of an ambush. The hematologist told us because of heart pressure problems they were forced to retry a procedure they tried 3 times the day before to no avail. It's a very painful procedure involving an extremely long wire being inserted into an artery. Missy left the room but they made unusual exception to allow me to stay. Her moans of pain are a recording I hope to one day erase. Constricted arteries prevented success and prompted apologies. The doctor told us, " It highly unusual. I haven't seen this happen in the 7 years I've been performing the procedure".

We were then notified that after lunch they would be going into her pelvis to extract bone marrow. Kayley cried as they explained the process and brought in the release forms to sign.

Missy and I were haunted.

Privately we talked away from Kayley. How can she endure another procedure? Why can't they wait until she regains some strength? I felt like I was going to throw up.

One hour later they returned to inform us the team collectively decided she was physically too weak to weather the storm.

I can't remember a time in my life I felt more relieved. Actually it was more like elation. It was the morsel of relief and hope I prayed for at sunrise.

We met separately today with the cardiology, rheumatology, hematology, and infectious disease doctors. While they still do not have a diagnosis they have started us on a new trail of extremely high doses of steroids. Even though Kayley is alarmingly weak and has difficulty breathing, we rejoice in better blood pressure, being taken off a liquid diet, and the absence of fever.

Any progress, regardless of duration, is cause for hope.

She still struggles and so do I. Her physically/ me spiritually. For the third time in these 14 days I privately spoke spiteful, angry and accusatory words to God. I'm ashamed to say I still have bouts of strong anger towards Him. Like the other 2 times, my conscience later arrested me and I asked for forgiveness; I truly regretted my foolish, unfaithful, and weak behavior. These feelings toward Him are all so foreign and something I've never known since receiving Him in my life at age 21.

As for right now it's almost 3 AM. I'm back on watch sitting inches from Kayley. Her labored breathing can be heard above the noisy machine behind me that persistently hisses like a snake.

I occupy my mind through writing yet in the darkness of this experience things can sometimes get convoluted... twisted... confusing. I forget which wing we're in. I forget which room. I forget the day of the week. I forget to put on a watch. I forget to eat since I often feel no hunger. I forget what the doctors tell me. I forget where I placed things in my small ICU home of 14 days.

I didn't know the mind could play such nasty tricks.

But there are also things I am remembering in these long dreary nights. Memories I haven't pondered or revisited in years. Memories about her that sickness, hospitals, fevers, heart/blood pressure problems, tubes, incisions, lung fluid, infections and mysterious diseases are powerless to erase.

I REMEMBER finding out I would have a baby girl; her birth and the quiver in her lips the first time I held her. I REMEMBER "tea parties" at a small Cinderella table with goldfish and apple juice.( it's still the finest cuisine I've ever eaten) I REMEMBER the day she asked for Jesus to live in her heart. I REMEMBER her constantly telling Missy that one day she would marry me. I REMEMBER our first trip by ourselves for her to "help daddy preach" in Salt Lake City. I REMEMBER her often knocking on my closet door while I prayed, holding her picture bible, and asking if we could talk to Jesus together. I REMEMBER flying home before 9/11, when it was still legal to greet family in the terminal breezeway, her running to me like she was Usain Bolt, jumping in my arms, kissing me relentlessly and hugging my neck as though I were some famous hero. I REMEMBER the first time she traveled with me and shared her testimony and how the students connected with her. I REMEMBER hunting, fishing together. I REMEMBER the day years ago when she asked a question that haunts me even now... a question that literally took my breath and caused me to sit on the stairs with tears in my eyes. "Dad, are we the kind of people like the ones in the Bible? Are we the kind of people God would write stories about"?

I will spend the rest of my life striving to become that man.

So until morning I choose to push away fear... anger... doubt... and the howling voices of evil.

Until morning, I will reflect back to better times with her and cherish those special days. Days I trust God will soon give us again. I choose right here, right now to walk by faith and not by what I see.

I choose simply to......... REMEMBER

Kayley Hospital Watch

WHAT IF... last night you had 104 temperature and dry heaved in a bucket for hours because no medicine was working?

What would you say??? Would you lash out, curse the specialist or maybe even God?

Let me tell you what you would do if you were a warrior like my daughter-Kayley Faith. As blood seeped down your neck, pain seeped through your fibers and tears seeped from your eyes you would softly speak to the Doctor who is running a wire through your neck and faintly say "I, I, believe in you......... I know you can do this"! How can anymore so sick be so encouraging to another inflicting so much pain on them??? How can someone be so selfless as they wade through a living hell? I wanted to ball. Really? Did she really say that? But how? In the moment I wished my heart was as good- as kind- as pure-as hers. I felt such pride. She's so much better than me.

The doctor stuttered and tangled his words not knowing how to respond. Finally, reluctantly, he softly answers "I am sooo sorry but thank you for believing in me even though we had to start over: I believe in you too"..

WHAT IF... you were only 19?

Like the 4th of July, the monitors alarms and lights sent flares into our "Good Friday". Missy woke up, we surrounded her bed, we prayed and whispered verses. Her Temperature reading was 103.7 and she was just administered another dose of morphine to steal the pain from the tube stuck in her back. She whispers, "My mind is thinking weird things". Another tsunami has come and gone...)

Some hours faith wins. In others I feel like the hounds of hell have surrounded us.

Faith is all I have left. To be totally honest, In some hours faith itself has left.

Yet I remind myself that 2000 years ago, on a Good Friday, my savior and friend faced His own misery.

It was unfair. Unjust. Unimaginable. Undeserved. He did so because He loved Kayley. This thought brings a rare smile to my face.

13 days in, I have no answers, the docs have no answers, my friends have no answers nor do the thousands across the world praying. But He does. Therefore I will wait; By His help I will trust that no matter what this day holds that it will be a "GOOD FRIDAY". It will be good because He is good.

In the last few months, curtains have been torn down and masks removed. What has been exposed to the world has been revolting and repulsive. Skeletons that the elite, powerful, and wealthy thought would remain in hidden tombs have not only been dug up, but have also been put on display for the entire world to see. Careers, marriages, and reputations have been disintegrated into ashes beyond recovery. The sexual abuse, incorrectly and often minimized as indiscretions, has come from a smorgasbord of treacherous fingers. Actors, singers, directors, TV hosts, preachers, and employers are just a sampling of the accused that have admitted some degree of culpability.

 In the aftermath, much of what has been given is excuses, justifications, denials, disingenuous apologies, and rationalizations. Most give statements that covertly blame the victim or try to excuse their behaviors by mentioning the woman’s dress attire or some other inexcusable detail that validates nothing.

My wife Missy had uttered the life-changing words “it's time,” a grueling 7 hours earlier. It felt like more than 7 years. Against her fear of me passing or grossing out, I curiously stood eagle-eyed with wonder behind the doctor, as our firstborn entered the world. It was the most beautiful, holy, sacred scene I had ever witnessed. Had I not already believed in God, I would have started to do so at that exact moment. When the doctor put you in my arms, I had a hard time breathing because my heart was pounding like a kick drum.

On knees as weak as spaghetti, I gently grabbed a chair and adored you, worshipped you, and being unable to control my crock-pot of emotions…I just cried. I had never experienced love in the way I felt it that day. It was a different kind of love, the kind that not only saturates you, but also steals your heart, your soul, and forever changes your every facet of life. Hours later, doting at the nursery window, this macho man, turned marshmallow man, cried even more.

Over the next 10 years, the experience was repeated with the exact same elation, two more times with your brother and sister. The three of you gifted me with the greatest and most rewarding role I have ever been assigned… the role of being a Dad. No one stirs, moves, motivates, or inspires me in the way you do and nobody could have ever brought the tears of joy, pride, and sorrow as you have.

Let me explain…

I cried the night I came home from a 12-hour shift at Fed Ex. I had been praying that since I was missing all of your “firsts” that God would make a way for me to be home when you took your first footsteps. With exact precision, I can recall every detail of that night you let go of the table. You had pulled yourself up too and turned to face me on those wobbly legs. You grinned at me, as you took the very first three steps of your life into my awaiting arms.  I swung you in the air with tears racing down my cheeks while asking Mom over, and over if she saw the miracle. I told everyone I knew. No one can ever take that night away from me. I still think of it often because it brings happiness and peace.

I cried at your graduation. That’s an understatement… I sobbed. That’s correct, right there in the coliseum, with thousands attending; nobody, not even Mom cried, and certainly not any of the other dads. Oh I fought the tears all right, with all I had but the more I fought them the worse they got. By the time you walked across the stage my eyes were so swollen I could barely see you. They were tears of both joy and sadness as I watched with pride, my boy becoming a man. It was a new chapter for us both, and all I kept wondering was where the time had gone.

I cried the first time you left home to go on your own. I wanted to be strong for your mother, hide the pain, but I failed miserably, because I felt like I had been gutted. It seemed like I was losing you. Standing there watching your car pull away was one of the hardest days of my life. Why did I always want you to grow up and when you did I stood there wishing that you never had?

I cried just last night before you left to go home, not with tears, but you knew I was choked up when my voice cracked, as I told you how much I enjoyed you going with the rest of us on family vacation. The last three years the rest of us were in Colorado and I spent much of my time thinking about you- wishing you were with us. It was like trying to drive forward on a flat tire. When we hugged goodbye, my extremely unusual kiss on the cheek, was me trying to say what words could not.

This Father's Day, I will be away from home, preaching in Louisiana. The miles apart will only enhance how much I will miss you and your two siblings. I will remember the only three people in the world who can call me dad, the good times we've shared, and all the ways you make me rich. Now and forever, I love you and I hope my track record proves that nothing will ever change that.

Being a father will always be my greatest achievement.  Crowds, money, accolades, books, TV appearances nor ANYTHING else could ever mean more than being your father. I hope I make you proud and whenever my life comes to an end that you can say with complete honesty that I was a faithful, loyal father, who never wavered in my love or support for you.

Someone once said that tears are “heart water” and I believe it's true because no one fills my heart more than you, your brother, and sister.

I am awestruck by the courage of the Umpqua Community College students. Witnesses to Thursday’s deadly shooting say numerous victims were questioned if they were Christians and that those who affirmed they were people of faith were then massacred. I wonder how many of us would be willing to take the same stand.

The stone-willed Christians in Roseburg, Oregon, held more than a belief – they possessed convictions that held them, even at the bullet tip of death. It takes a Grand Canyon of faith, commitment and courage to speak up when you’re staring down a barrel of doom. And for that… I count these martyrs as heroes.

I am a full-time evangelist. I’m not the kind who begs for money on television or who sells snake oil, healing rags or anointed waters. Neither am I a media hound who is trying to persuade people to vote for Hillary or Trump. I’m just a regular guy, a sinner who travels globally to share the message of Christ.

Taking a stand can be in the purest form when it is done without retaliation, aggression or defense. Standing against evil or injustice sometimes needs to be done without retreat or assault. Resistance can simply be accomplished by just standing – holding the ground already gained.

Sure, there are also times to fight. There are moments when taking no action is the action of laziness, indifference, enablement and fear. There are times to correct, as long as it is done in love. Correction without love leads to rebellion. There is also a time to discover the things worth dying for. Those who have found this treasure are the ones who change nations, leave legacies, inspire change and leave footprints for us all to follow. Of such are the victims in Oregon: they have given us a portrait not only of themselves but of the one they say they followed. I say thank you to them for showing this nation the greatness and capacity of faith.

GOD'S WORD is not only alive and active, but it is also as necessary for spiritual life as oxygen is to physical life. Having read the Bible for years, I’m amazed that I am still discovering new jewels from passages I have read numerous times before. The Bible has supernatural capabilities that no other book contains, because it is the only one that has life within its words. I can honestly say I study it, because it brings me greater satisfaction than most anything else I do and because it continues to help me know and understand the Christ that transformed me on one unforgettable April night. With this in mind, here are my  10 favorite verses.

1. 2 Corinthians 5:17: “If any man is in Christ he is a new creation. Old things are passed away and all things become new.”This is one of the first verses I ever memorized and became my life story wrapped up in one verse. The first birthday after meeting Jesus my mother had a cake made in the shape of a Bible with this verse inscribed on it.

2. Philippians 1:6: “Being confident of this very thing, that He which began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”This is actually the very first verse I committed to memory. I needed the reassurance, both then and now that God will protect and help me until I have finished what He has called me to do. I love the promise that He finishes what He starts!

3.Hebrews 13:5:“I will never leave nor forsake you.”What a guarantee!! Regardless of what life brings or the mistakes I make- Jesus will never abandon me. His commitment to me is permanent. He is in for the long haul: all the way to eternity.

4. 2 Timothy 1:7: “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.”What can man do to me? What should I fear? The answer is nothing! God wants to infuse me with power and His comforting love.

5. Isaiah 26:3:“You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you.”Don’t we all want peace in the midst of a troubled and hectic life? There was a time, I did not possess it and I have since discovered it is one of life’s greatest possessions. I like knowing the recipe to gain peace: which is simply to focus my mind on Him.

6. 1 Chronicles 28:20:“Be strong and of good courage and do it: do not fear nor be dismayed for the Lord God- my God- will be with you. He will not leave or forsake you until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord your God.”This just fires me up!! Nike shoes had a slogan years ago of “Just Do It”. They may have thought they were the originators of the idea, but long before they existed, God spoke through David that it was time to get it on.

7. Proverbs 29:18:“Where there is no vision the people perish.”I have always had “vision”,  which is the ability to dream big. I need constant reminding that the opposite of this verse is also true. This means people will perish where there isn’t vision. I have a responsibility to believe God for what seems impossible.

8. Proverbs 11:30:“He that wins souls is wise.”I want wisdom! My life’s mission is to reach non-believers with the truth about Jesus. I get excited knowing that God says that people who reach the unsaved are doing the wise thing. “Winning” souls is impacting people with the Gospel and that is what I want to do, until my last breath.

9. Psalms 20:7:“Some trust in chariots and horses but we will remember the name of the Lord our God.”I need to be reminded that I cannot trust money, connections, people, resources or even myself, but I must trust completely in Christ. When all else fails, He remains!

10. Revelation 19:11:“And I saw heaven opened and behold a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True and in righteousness he judges and makes war.”I am always motivated when I picture in my mind this verse and the ones that follow it. It tells of a day when followers of Christ will gather behind Him for a battle. All of us will be on white horses, as we watch Jesus destroy the forces of evil. I can almost hear the neighing of His horse, see his mount raised on it's hind legs, and watch Jesus’ blood soaked robe, blowing in the wind. It is the best reminder that I am on the side of the King and nothing can conquer me. I also love the 2 names given to Jesus: Faithful and True. These names are excellent representations of the one who changed my life.

I challenge you to memorize these verses that serve as a promise, an anchor, or an encouragement. I have, and it has served me as one of the best motivators and encouragers that helps me press forward.

I just returned from a seven-day trip to Alaska where I was invited to speak at a great church that is impacting Anchorage in numerous ways. Getting the additional opportunity to take my wife and two of my kids was a rare privilege. The day before I was scheduled to preach four times I took the family to pan for gold and to visit the wildlife refuge.

Although I have traveled the world, I’m convinced Alaska is the most gorgeous landscape I have ever seen.

I was so fired up to hear her story. Within a few hours her husband wrote me himself to detail his gratitude to God for this new relationship. His words erupted with hope, anticipation and excitement.

Others also wrote to tell how they were rescued from suicide, hopelessness and unbelief. Jesus said he came to make us fishers of men (Mark 1:17) and witnessing so many surrender their lives was beyond exhilaration.

We went from fishing for men to fishing for “fish” on the Naknek River near King Salmon, Alaska with two church staff members. For four days, we used fly rods to catch the biggest Rainbow trout I have ever seen. As fate would have it, my wife caught the largest fish that measured 23 inches (mine only measured 22 inches). Even though I never like being out-fished I was thrilled for her!!

While in the area, we had no cell service or Internet. Initially, I was panicked when I discovered we didn’t have access to outside communication, but it ended up being a great blessing to totally disconnect from the technology that is supposed to be freeing but is often so enslaving.

On our last day, I had an encounter that was unlike any other. I have always been infatuated with bears and especially grizzlies. We greatly anticipated our plans to spend our last day fishing on the Moore River. It runs through the Katmai National Forest, containing the world’s largest population of protected Grizzly bears.

Like us, you have probably watched the iconic pictures or videos of the bears standing on the falls catching fish as they swim upstream. Although over 2,000 bears reside there, we were told it was unlikely we would see any because we were arriving two weeks before the salmon run. Regardless, for weeks we prayed that God would allow us to see what we have witnessed on TV so many times.

God answered the request and we had seven different sightings. We even saw one pair mating  and another two bruins on their hind legs fighting over a beautiful, blonde-colored female. Listening to their growls as they battled one another was a sound I will never forget. This brawl was only 100 yards from where we were standing!

A short time later my son and I were standing in the river fishing while my daughter and wife stood on the bank nearby. As we got to shallower water, my girls moved away from the shore to stand with us. Just a few short minutes from the time they moved, I heard my wife shout in fear, “There is a bear!” In the exact place where they previously stood, a huge male began retracing their steps less than 35 yards away from us.

I knew a bear could run up to 35 miles per hour, which is faster than a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby and if he decided to attack us, there was nothing I could do to stop it or save my family. Never, and I mean never, have I experienced such a feeling of being so small. Standing in the presence of something so great, majestic and powerful made me feel so insignificant and fragile. There were no strings to pull, connections to be leveraged, monies to be utilized or any other action I could possibly take that could change my predicament. I knew God and He alone was my only hope of salvation and protection.

The bear glanced our way but was thankfully more interested in looking for fish than pursuing us. As we watched him prance downstream I knew I had been in the presence of greatness. The sensation of experiencing total helplessness was refreshingly sacred. Reminding me of another encounter I will have someday that I think will bare some of the same components.

Someday we will all stand in the presence of the greatest majesty, power and strength ever known to man. This will be the day we stare into the face of the King of Kings. Like my encounter, connections, influence, standing or any other worldly connection or accomplishment will be of no value. Outside of the salvation and protection from Jesus all hope will be lost. There will be no uncertainty about how mighty He is and how weak we are. If we have rejected Him, we will be in unending danger and terror.

I am grateful for an encounter that was small taste of what I believe will have some similarity to the day I bow before Christ. At that moment I think I will experience an amazement not based on fear but one stemming from the reality of my nothingness compared to His greatness.

Easter is the most important holiday for Christians. It is a time when we celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord. And it is one of the most well attended Sundays at churches around the nation.

Because of the nature of what Easter is and the openness to so many to think about the cross at this time of the year, the Easter season presents a natural opportunity to share the Good News of Jesus Christ.

But this Good News is not just to be shared around one holiday a year. Matthew 28:19-20commands, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

This verse doesn’t say, “Go and make disciples only at Easter when it’s easy to talk about Jesus.” Rather, it is a continual command to share our faith year-round.

Easter may be over but that doesn’t mean we should still proclaim and celebrate the sacrifice our Savior made for each and every human on earth.

I am a full-time evangelist, but in reality so are you. By definition an evangelist is a “bearer of good tidings.” Therefore, we are all called and able to be evangelists.

Many people are fearful to evangelize because they don’t believe they have the theological or biblical knowledge to do so, but evangelism is not scary. It shouldn’t be something we fear – that is satan’s trickery used to keep you from proclaiming the Good News.

Here are a few tips for sharing your faith all year round:

1)    Know your own story of faith. 

Stories are powerful. Jesus knew this, which is why he often spoke in parables. Your own story of putting your trust in Jesus is powerful. Think this through and put it on paper. Writing how you met Jesus will enable you to remember, refine and recount. This cultivates an awareness of where you would be if you had not come to faith, and where others will be if they don’t find His forgiveness.

2)    Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in you. 

It’s true that we are not perfect, nor are we fully equipped, but the good news is we don’t have to be. We have been given an amazing resource – the Holy Spirit. This is where the power and boldness comes from to make you effective. Without the Holy Spirit’s anointing you will be fearful and nonproductive.

3)    Befriend the lost. 

One reason evangelism is often feared is because Christians think they must share their faith with complete strangers. While we should want to share our faith with everyone, it is also important to love on and befriend those who are lost. When you build a friendship with someone who doesn’t know Jesus, you lay a foundation of trust which can lead to an opportunity to authentically share your faith at an opportune time. You are also provided the opportunity to live out your faith before you verbally profess it.

4)    Ask God for opportunities. 

Matthew 7:7says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” If you are sincere in this request, the Lord will not deny you. He will open doors for you to share His love.

There is no greater joy than knowing God used you to lead someone to Jesus. It is not only the command of Christ but also the most rewarding of life’s accomplishments.

You can leave an eternal legacy when you share your story. What we do in this life echoes throughout all eternity because what is not eternal is eternally useless.

Your story is His story. I encourage you to share it often.

Like anyone else who has ever been married, I have experienced both bliss and blister. There have been times where I wondered if we would make it, times I wanted to jump ship and times where our relationship was so passionate, fresh and exhilarating that it seemed like an infusion of emotional adrenaline. In the valley, calling it “quits” often appears as the easiest way out but seldom is it the best.

Abandoning life’s most intimate relationship should be the last resort but many choose it as their first. Sure, there are certain biblical situations where divorce is permitted but that does not mean it is recommended. There are also cases of abuse where wives or children are put in dangers that warrant separation. Although many marital breakups come from these two factors, a large percentage of marriages deteriorate from a gradual procession of smaller issues that fester into relational infections. More so for maintenance than rescue, I regularly go to marriage counseling. [I recommend it for everyone.] My years of navigating through marital success and failure, have taught me a few simple lessons that work well when intentionally applied.

1. Get rid of your scorecard.Keeping tabs on past failures and hurts only builds resentment and leads to preconceived responses. Scorecards also facilitate the tendency to “dig up bones” and mention things that should be left underground. If a tally needs to be kept, it should never be a record of wrongs but only one that parades the positives.

2. Shift focus away from what you can get to what you can give.Intentionally meeting the needs of your spouse even when they are not meeting yours is always difficult but never without reward from God. Make sure you are doing this without ulterior motives or as a maneuver to get something in return. Pray and ask Christ to give you a selfless, servant’s spirit.

3. Give up your terrorist mentality and negotiate. Don’t be demanding and always expect to get your way! Healthy marriages are always built through compromise. The unwillingness to give in and surrender on the non-essentials is evidence of pride and arrogance. Not only will your spouse resist this behavior so will the Lord as proven by James 4:7.

4. Stop flying off the handle.Constantly being irritable, angry and explosive makes your spouse feel the need to be distantly elusive. They should never live in fear of you detonating. Proverbs 14:17 says a person quick to anger responds foolishly. Attack problems not people.

5. Commit to staying committed.Authentic love never gives in or up. It is without end. God promises that while people will fail authentic love will not. He designed it so it would have in its DNA an unbreakable quality that makes it unstoppable. So many marriages have marginal love, which is based on performance instead of persistence. Ask God to give you the kind of love that endures, sustains, forgives, finds good, is tolerant and constantly looks forward not backward.

Ruth Graham, the wife of iconic Christian leader Billy Graham, was once asked in a interview if she ever thought about divorcing her husband. She replied, “No, I’ve never thought of divorce in 35 years of marriage but I have thought of murder a few times.” We can all learn a lesson from Ruth about endurance and commitment. It’s a cornerstone of longevity.

Just because the cloud in the sky looks like a multi-headed dragon to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t look like a four-leaf clover to someone else!

I was excited when the invitation came for me to address School of Urban Missions, a Bible college, which was having a conference in New Orleans, Louisiana. Students who have committed their lives to ministry were planning to gather in the swamp state where by day they would be taught in workshops and by night they would be blitzing Bourbon Street to share the Gospel that had transformed their lives. As a lover of crayfish, boudin, étouffée, beignets, and all other Cajun cuisine as well as being internal Siamese twins to students whose hearts were ablaze with the compulsion to share the hope of Christ, I was fired up. To top it off, this entire event was being held during the annual celebration known as Mardi Gras, during which visitors from all over the world would drape balconies, bars and bistros in search of nightly bliss.

Although I have been all over the state Louisiana and specifically to New Orleans on numerous occasions, I had never visited during the annual two-week celebration of Mardi Gras. I was fascinated the first night as I stood outside the French Quarter and watched extravagant parade floats passing by in the shape of angels, demons, mermaids and sailors. There was even an Elvis Presley float!

Masked people rode the floats and threw beads, trinkets and gifts to the roaring crowds lining the streets. I inquired to a local expert why the riders wore masks and was told it was city law that could be enforced by a ticketed fine. When I discovered it is tradition to keep identity a secret, I pondered masks I have worn over the years to keep my own secrets and identity hidden. While most people did not recognize my masks as a disguise of myself I never could hide the masquerade from the person I wanted to convince the most… me.

The giving of gifts to strangers and the longing of so many wanting to receive them stimulated a variety of parallel thoughts of crowds and individuals I have spoken to all over the world. At some point we all fall under the category of a giver or a taker. Some hungry to bless and some hungry to get blessed; what many bystanders are willing to do in order to get things of so little value still confounds me.

Some trades are really bad…

My second night was teeming with anticipation. I planned to walk down the belly of the French Quarter on one of the most known streets in the U.S. with 400 students who would be sharing the greatest story ever told. And I couldn’t wait! We showed up right before the tangible and intangible darkness set in and I watched as the students begin to sing praise songs. Some people mocked them, some joined in song and others took selfies with the group in the background.

As the group began to talk with individuals, I headed off on my own to grab some dinner and explore. A few blocks later I saw some beefy guys who looked like a cross between professional body builders and Hell’s Angels who were standing in the middle of the street holding signs. Their square formation prevented them from being bushwhacked from their backside. The colorful signs they brandished said things about drunkenness, sin, sex and going to hell. There was an African American man who was preaching, I mean screaming, from a bullhorn.

Curious, I walked up and stood three feet in front of the street prophet and next to a college-aged drunk guy who was voicing obscenities. I was pretty sure he was about to get the beating of his life from one of the goatee defenders who stared him down like a lion over a gazelle. After friends carried off the drunk, even though there were people all around, the sermon giver turned his bullhorn and message towards me: “What do you think you’re doing man? Don’t you know God hates your sin and that you’re going to bust headfirst into hell? You’re a disgrace before God!”

I didn’t flinch, smile or frown but listened intently and he didn’t seem stop to take a breath. His posse stood stone-faced and never spoke or showed any expressions toward anyone.

He continued, “You think God doesn’t know about your drunken ways and your sexual perversion but He knows everything and is ready to judge you! You know you shouldn’t be down here and God is ready to punish you! Don’t you realize your going to wake up in hell someday?"

The scathing went on for another five minutes or so before I decided to move on. Before departing I leaned into the ear of the skin-headed white guy next to him and told him I was trying to reach people for Christ. He stared in my eyes and sternly said, “Then why in the world are you out here?” I replied that I was with 400 students from a Bible college who were two blocks down the street sharing their faith. His two-word reply of “that’s good” came without emotion before he then turned back into his statue pose.

Although some of their message was right all of their methods were wrong. Half-truths are about as enticing to ride as are half-winged airplanes. Yes, God hates sin and hell is real but that’s only part of the story. God loves people and wants no one to spend eternity separated from Him and His Son. And while drunkenness and perversion grieve the heart of God so does the condemnation of others and personal pride. Truth must me tempered and correct doctrines need correct deliveries.

Appearances are often deceiving and even the best vision has limitations. Gold, silver and diamonds are only discovered through layers of muck, mire, dirt and arduous excavation. So next time you decide to pass judgment or write off someone as unworthy, hopeless or incorrigible it is wise to consider you might be the one who is mistaken.

After all, correction without love leads to defiance!

Every good and perfect gift….. has a price tag. As I walk around from shop to shop looking for the perfect gift to give someone this Christmas, I am reminded that each item has a price tag and that I have a budget. The items that I deem wonderful and perfect for someone always seem to be over my budget. As a mill about, I am reminded of Luke 14:28, “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?” When you want to purchase something of worth you should always first look at the cost. You must decide what all it is going to cost you and what you will have to sacrifice in order to purchase something that has such a high price tag.

Following Jesus is very similar to shopping on a budget at Christmas. You must weigh the cost and be willing to sacrifice. Assess the cost. What is the first thing you do when you find something you want to buy? Look at the price tag. It’s going to cost you relationships – friends, family, and co-workers. Are you willing to sacrifice? It might cost you possessions or things – job, lifestyle, money and even a certain standard of living. It will most definitely cost you some time. What price have you paid to be a disciple of the King’s?

Luke 9:62 says, “Jesus replied, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the service in the kingdom of God.’”When you choose God, it is for keeps – there are no layaway plans or returns! Mark 8:34, “Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’”Would you die for Jesus? You must be willing to die for Him. If you won’t live for Him today, you won't die for him tomorrow! Take a good look at the price tag and make sure you are willing to pay the price!

It is amazing to me in the “politically correct” society in which we live that a 150-year-old tradition rooted and grounded in religion has slipped by without much notice or debate in this secular age and culture. Perhaps it is because we were never properly educated about the God behind Thanksgiving.

Most of us know a bit about the first Thanksgiving held in the winter of 1621 when the Plymouth colonists shared an autumn harvest feast with the Wampanoag Indians. For the next two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states but it did not become an official holiday until the days of the Civil War when our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, proclaimed a national day of “thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.” True to the references to “praise” and “father” in the original proclamation, the holiday was intended to be in honor and gratitude to God for what he provided.

Thanksgiving Day came about in 1863 because of President Lincoln’s conviction that the United States should express a debt of gratitude and recognition for blessings that were perceived to be from the hand of the Almighty. The deity Lincoln referenced was none other than the Christian God he worshiped at the Protestant church he attended with his wife and children.

With all of the talk about pilgrims and turkey, I imagine few today realize the founding principles behind this national holiday were based in religion. No doubt, declaring a faith-based national holiday would never be so well received in this day and age of recognizing either all religions or none – because it would surely offend someone.

While we robotically recite the brainwashed mandate of today’s culture to “accommodate everyone,” we are actually losing our own identity in order to make sure everyone swallows the same plain vanilla. It’s plausible that we are getting closer every day to surrendering the keys of our heritage to those who neither respect nor tolerate them.

Maybe Lincoln and those supporting his Thanksgiving declaration should have possessed more vision to realize that America would eventually become a diverse gumbo comprised of various cultures and ethnicities that would not have the same God, political viewpoint or the desire to give credit for their prosperity to anyone other than themselves.

Thanksgiving, like most holidays, has been watered down and relegated to over-indulgent feasts of turkey, cranberries and pumpkin pie amid a backdrop of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade and football games. As a result, we have become more focused on living out cultural norms than remembering historical truths.

But at the end of the day, Thanksgiving’s origins still remain. And I believe it is time to remind Americans of it, because we all could use a break from the sad, painful and dark circumstances that are often in the news, and look to something – or someone – higher to save us from the darkness in which we live.

This year, I’m thankful for Thanksgiving. I’m thankful to President Lincoln for reminding us to take a special day out of every year to quit looking across political lines or sideways at our nation’s numerous challenges. We would do well to remember Lincoln’s original call, a call to look up and offer Thanksgiving to the one who has the power to bless us.